Satirical Review from Best Church of God


The only church with a 110% Jesus approval rating

Homemaking with Kathy! presents: Kathy's Book Corner

Hi. I'm Kathy. And this is Kathy's Book Corner.

Unlike most book clubs where ladies only read books that they like, Kathy's Book Corner looks at ugly books that are dangerous to Christianity and should be banned. I read them, and then I burn them.

A few weeks ago, a man came to the Best Church of God to spread his Communist Anarchistic Atheist propaganda in the form of the book. This book, titled "Away With all Gods," was written by one Mr. Bob Avakian.

For those of you who are smart and don't pay attention to such loony toons living in Crazy Town, Bob Avakian is in charge of the Revolutionary Communist Party. In other words, Bob Avakian is not American. (And he is going to Hell)

I found "Away With All Gods" to be scary and wrong. This book is the transcription of two speeches which leads me to believe that Bob is lazy and doesn't know how to write. He just scribbles down the heathenous speeches he gives to pot-smoking college students. And his grammar is atrocious! He doesn't capitalize the word "God". Not once. It's always supposed to be capitalized, but only when it's referring to our God. pagan gods and muhammad are all lower case.

Evil Bob Avakian believes that all religions are bad for you and that they pollute our minds with superstition to turn us into mindless drones. Mindless drones? Mindless drones. Mindless drones...

Where was I? Oh yes. bob avakian's stinky book of paganism:

Because bob is a stupid anti-Christ, he asks a lot of questions. As we all know, in Proverbs the bible says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, in your own intelligence rely not." So what's the use of questions? Oh. I just asked a question. Ooops! See how easily the devil can spread his evilishness? There it is again! Shoot. Let's all take a moment to say 3 "Hail Mary's."

Now that we're protected by Christ Power, we can confront one of avakian's sinfully contageous questions. Page 24-

"Why not tell people the truth, and help them understand reality as it actually is, including the real causes of sickness and affliction?"

Well, bob, that's because the Bible is the truth. It's an ancient book of true things that are always right and accurately define our reality. Everyone knows that the real cause of sickness and affliction is Satan. And that the only cure for feeling crummy is God. See Psalm 41:3: "The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness." Not a doctor, the Lord!

A lot of things angered me in this demon manifesto. For instance, Mr. Avakian says on page 27 that Jesus' words and actions should be "evaluated just like those of any other human being which is what Jesus was and all that he was". That is so not true. Jesus is the Son of God. So He is the Christ- He is God AND Man. At the same time and with a ghost named the Holy Spirit. It's the Trinity. And all of Them Are Equal. And the Same Person. But not A person. A God. But a Ghost, Too. And The Christ. Look it up in the Bible, ladies.

You may be thinking, "Wow, Kathy! This book is bad news bears!" But I haven't gotten to the very worst thing yet. It's on page 666. I mean, page 225:

"There is no God- therefore there is no sin."

If there is no sin, then there can't be a death penalty. And then what about all those evil criminals?
Speaking of criminals, Bob Avakian is also a baby killer. That's right. He is pro-choice. Bob says this on page 182:

"What lies at the heart of the issue of abortion, and of the Christian Fascist's unrelenting attempt to make it illegal, is not the killing of babies (which is scientifically wrong in the first place) but it is the chaining of women in oppressive relations in which their essential role is reduced to that of being the property of men and the breeders of their children, according to "god's plan" and the dictates of theocratic interpreters of "god's will".

Except for the part about him hating babies, I didn't understand a word of that. Did you, ladies? Silly Bob Avakian. If you want to convert people to your satanic cult, you need to use smaller words. God wrote the bible so everyone could understand it. That's why it's so easy and fun to read. Not to mention concise. Looks like Mr. Avakian has a lot to learn from Christianity!

Well, that was Kathy's Book Corner- telling you to rush to the nearest bookstore and buy "Away with All Gods" by Bob Avakian. But before you open it, burn it. Burn it hard.

Praise Jesus!